this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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