Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
