Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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