are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
