On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
