i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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