we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
