i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
