I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
