So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
