Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
