I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina is officially offended.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
