it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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