i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
