I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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