Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
