so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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