Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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