Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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