Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
