Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
