you have to choose: penises or morals?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
