He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
