Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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