haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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