My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
