Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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