I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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