I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
