hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
