i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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