I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
