I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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