what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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