Where is the hickey?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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