I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
how drunk are you?
Several
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
