As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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