he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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