gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
