I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
