Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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