My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
