ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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