I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize