why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
