I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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