Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
