see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
