i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A+ Viking dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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