I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
