imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
