TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
