Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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