you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
