Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
