Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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