No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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