Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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