I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
