Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
