Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
