Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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