you would pick up someone in the library
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
