You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
