Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
