ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
