So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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