There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize