Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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