Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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