they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
