All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
