Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My vagina is officially offended.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
