I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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