you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
