dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
