Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
