OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
