U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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