he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
