Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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