I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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