where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
