walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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