fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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