the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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