Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to have your abortion
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize