I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need water and some morals
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
