We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
