i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
