I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
