I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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