So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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