Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
