She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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