This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
