I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
