I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
