my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
