Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So much rum. So many feels.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
