I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
