I have demons in me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
