My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
