never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
