dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
